I’ve found that I have the complete incapability to cry. The most I’ve gotten is forced tears from small pieces of dust.
The last time I cried I believe to be the last. It took two hours to get it all out that day. Now I fear that I cried all of it out.
Crying’s good for you, it lets your mind know that you are actually feeling something and that your body isn’t just a feeling of intense happiness that comes after some sort of “happy little pill”.
I’ve experienced a lot since I last wrote anything down. I finished school for good and now get to practise at being an unemployed actress. I have looked for part time work and failed. I have gone out on midnight wanders with the girl next door. I have stood on that bridge and felt the world zoom past once again. I have ran through restricted fields without shoes. I have had drugged up picnics with people that to the outside world are yobs, hooligans, scum. I know them to be the kindest and most thoughtful friends I shall ever know.
I have 13 days now until my best friend leaves. At some point I’ll really have to tell him he’s my best friend.
I now am split in half with lifestyles. Two weeks here, two weeks there. Back and forth and back and forth and I truly still fell like that five year old that couldn’t make up her mind so decided to make it more confusing for herself.