Messy Minds.

My mind is mess right now, but at the same time it feels as though its just empty space in my head. I want to be in a dark room with a bunch of smiling faces surrounding me dancing to music I would otherwise hate but I am stuck in this purple bedroom hoping for someone to ask me to spread some light outside. I continue as I do, but differently. A fake smile on my face and a false bounce in my step that isn’t meant to surprise anyone because I am an overly optimistic person usually. No ones seen me fake anything before so how would they recognise it now? I’m writing this down but not thinking at all just writing each word at a time and not thinking about the last…or the next. And that sounds like a metaphor but I don’t believe it is and you shouldn’t believe that either. I just.want to be enfolded in friendly, warm, familiar arms that I just can’t seem to find in all this darkness. And I want to be there in these arms not knowing anything else but them. And I want to understand what I see and say and do and write and sing and draw and think. Because right now it is 27 degrees in my head but out here it’s only 14. And I want someone to tell me why that is and not have to have me find that out for myself. And I want that person to be that person with the warm, friendly, familiar arms that dances with me in a purple room to music that I would otherwise hate and I want this person to be able to see through the fake smile and the false bounce, to me.

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