PAST FEW MONTHS UPDATE:
2 hours I went into a dark room and listened to music I would otherwise hate and met a bunch of people that could have liked me and was accepted as one them as an outsider.
Then I saw him, the guy I gave up with a new girl on his shoulder that i hated but not really. How could I when she was so sweet.
The clock ticked and the music dropped and drinks were turned topsy turvy and they were sat over there in a corner talking about whatever it is those people talked about.
I thought I would handle it but tears just came out like they had a mind of their own and that they didn’t care who saw them.
Two flights up it was cold and full of smoked smoke, a message sent that I shouldn’t meant and tears dropped that were unneeded.
Two flights of stairs back down a conversation had and no two in the corner to remind me of that bittersweet feeling of jealousy that feeling that would never unrequitedly come out without a good reason.
The two people “f***** off to f***” the person that I hate but not really and the boy that can never be described as just a best friend ever again.
I want to ruin her but that would ruin him and if he was ruined. Then so would I.
I guess it’s true that you never know how much you love someone until you see a short black haired artist sitting on his lap and playing with his hair.